The What:
Technical Definition: A candy gram is a small card with a piece of candy attached that's delivered to someone's home, school, or job. The recipient receives a personalized message along with the candy. They are usually a fundraising event by parent boosters, the student council, or other clubs to raise money for a specific event (exp: a dance or trip).
Buying one is a series of big decisions:
How many can you afford?
Figuring out who to send one to so nobody gets hurt feelings
Whether you should sign your name when you send one to your crush!
In Reality: It’s not about the overpriced candy.
It’s about social capital. Edible evidence of your popularity, heavily focusing on attractiveness to the opposite sex. It’s a signal from your boyfriend or girlfriend, and of course to the person who you WANT to be your boyfriend or girlfriend. The candy grams are a drama-inducing snack that under normal circumstances would be an unimpressive gift eaten only after everything better had already been consumed. It’s not about the spaghetti candy. The gram makes everyone question who is crushing on who, who’s advances are unwanted, which students have the most suitors, and which students are invisible or disliked.
Something that is intended to create cheer raise money is this insane disappointment for so many kids. Here is the breakdown on delivery:
1.) The pretty people get the lion’s share of grams. Every 5th candy gram is for them. People want to be in their friend circle, people want to date them. We get it.
2.) There are grams from “???” and “secret admirer. These are the shy people shooting their shot, and the creepers being stalkerish. Some of this batch of grams are from the ones that sent one to themselves to be a part of it, and not look like a “loser.” The chaos that ensues will cause speculation and drama for the rest of the school year.
3.) Sometimes a batch of grams goes to every kid in a club or on the team. These are cool because at least these kids get something, but they’re lower tier grams because they’re from some adult–not peers.
4. ) The next group this candy gram delivery creates are actually two groups combined: The independent rebels and the jealous haters. The rebels truly seem indifferent to this display of tangible social status. If they get one, it’s like shrug, stuff it in the backpack. Yawn, just another day. The jealous haters mutter under their breath how stupid this is, mean-mugging everyone with grams (but secretly wishing they’d receive one). The only way to tell the difference between the rebels and the haters is that the jealous will happily leave this hater-group if they receive one.
5.) And then the shy and the outcasts just sit at their desks hoping. The quiet kids are wishing that maybe somebody in the school thought of them. They hope maybe one person they talk to spent a dollar on them. The outcasts just try to disappear hoping nobody is looking at their empty desk.
Getting at least one is mandatory. Collecting the most is the goal. Hardly anyone is happy. Even the people who get a lot of grams feel jealous of someone who got more then them. And if you didn’t get one from your crush–what are you even doing here? BUT, even the candy grams from teacher, parent, or self are better than none at all. In the tradition of peacocks, who display their attractiveness to impress potential mates and compete with potential suitors, everyone must conspicuously place the candy grams on the desk, then walk around the halls with their collection.
The whole ordeal causes stress. Ron knows. Becky knows.
Sources:
(1) https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/help-a-kid-who-is-being-ostracized-feeling-left-out/
(2) https://www.responsiveclassroom.org/how-to-talk-with-parents-about-cliques-and-exclusion/
(3) https://afineparent.com/positive-parenting-faq/social-exclusion.html
(4) https://psychcentral.com/health/why-feeling-left-stings-and-healthy-ways-to-cope#why-it-bothers-you
(6) https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection
(7) https://gsdrc.org/topic-guides/social-exclusion/causes/exclusion-based-on-social-status-or-identity/
(8) https://www.mcleanhospital.org/essential/bullying-kids-teens
(9) https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1368214/full
(10) https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22889163/
(11) https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0190740924000148
(12) https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1184924.pdf
(13) https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6085085/
(14) (https://conversationstoremember.org/loneliness-and-isolation/#:~:text=Loneliness%2C%20on%20the%20other%20hand,of%20a%20hostile%20social%20environment.)
(15) https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022519321003581
(16) https://elifesciences.org/articles/78246
(17) https://educationdata.org/public-education-spending-statistics
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