Evolution:
“Humans have a fundamental need to belong. Just as we have needs for food and water, we also have needs for positive and lasting relationships,” says C. Nathan DeWall, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Kentucky. “This need is deeply rooted in our evolutionary history and has all sorts of consequences for modern psychological processes.” (6). Maslow’s (1954) psychological hierarchy places the need for belonging below basic needs like food and safety but above the needs for knowledge, understanding, and esteem (Maslow, 1954) (12).
Belonging – defined in terms of having lasting, positive and significant interpersonal relationships – as a fundamental human need (Baumeister & Leary, 1995), remains highly relevant to understanding loneliness. Indeed, an evolutionary hypothesis of loneliness has been posited (Cacioppo & Hawkley, 2009), which equates the perceived social disconnection of loneliness to physical pain, motivating people to establish and maintain social connections that, at least in evolutionary terms, are essential for survival (11).
As clever as human beings are, we rely on social groups for survival. We evolved to live in cooperative societies, and for most of human history we depended on those groups for our lives. Like hunger or thirst, our need for acceptance emerged as a mechanism for survival. “A solitary human being could not have survived during the six million years of human evolution while we were living out there on the African savannah,” Leary says (6).
She explains that the discomfort you feel when being ostracized can be traced back to a time when membership in a social group was important for staying alive. “In primitive times, being part of the group enhanced your chances of survival,” Tessina states. “That means that it’s painful and even scary to feel excluded.” (4)
I only ever got one candy gram, it was when I was a freshman and the sender was a creepy senior boy who had been desperately trying to get me to go out with him. it was even more embarrassing than just not getting one. needless to say, I’m not a fan
When I was in school, there were no candy grams here. There were flower deliveries on Valentine’s Day at the middle and high school. It was a huge production, the flowers would come in, and it would just be wave after wave of the popular girls being called to the office to pick up their huge bouquets.
in scorpion flies, for example, females make more reproductive sacrifices during mating and are therefore more selective when choosing a partner compared to males, who prefer to have as many partners as possible. As a result, males face a large amount of competitive pressure from other males. In Panorpidae, Bittacidae and Choristidae – the males provide gifts to the females before or during mating in order to ensure completion of copulation (Tong and Hua, 2019). This gift can be saliva or, in species with less-developed salivary glands, prey – such as a small insect – that has been killed by the male (Zhong and Hua, 2013). (16)
Some kids definitely get a Napoleon complex and walk around strutting with their grams. It's like valentines day but worse.
Popular Sasha gets 10 pops from Bob, who paid 10 dollars for them
Many male animals donate nutritive materials during courtship or mating to their female mates. Females prefer males that present larger nuptial gifts and often terminate mating with males that offer small prey (Thornhill, 1984). Nuptial gifting sometimes causes severe female-female competition for obtaining gifts (i.e., sex-role reversal in mate competition) and selection on females to increase their mating rate, changing the intensity of competition and the resultant paternity gains. the female may receive an indirect fitness benefit via laying offspring sired by a male who is able to produce a large nuptial gift. Female mate preference evolves if the female receives a direct fitness benefit by mating with attractive males, where “attractiveness” is correlated with a male’s ability to perform parental care and the quality of a male’s territory which improves the female fitness. (15).
Sources:
(1) https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/help-a-kid-who-is-being-ostracized-feeling-left-out/
(2) https://www.responsiveclassroom.org/how-to-talk-with-parents-about-cliques-and-exclusion/
(3) https://afineparent.com/positive-parenting-faq/social-exclusion.html
(4) https://psychcentral.com/health/why-feeling-left-stings-and-healthy-ways-to-cope#why-it-bothers-you
(6) https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection
(7) https://gsdrc.org/topic-guides/social-exclusion/causes/exclusion-based-on-social-status-or-identity/
(8) https://www.mcleanhospital.org/essential/bullying-kids-teens
(9) https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1368214/full
(10) https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22889163/
(11) https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0190740924000148
(12) https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1184924.pdf
(13) https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6085085/
(14) (https://conversationstoremember.org/loneliness-and-isolation/#:~:text=Loneliness%2C%20on%20the%20other%20hand,of%20a%20hostile%20social%20environment.)
(15) https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022519321003581
(16) https://elifesciences.org/articles/78246
(17) https://educationdata.org/public-education-spending-statistics
(19) https://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=898
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