Is Ostracizing a Form of Bullying? Sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn’t.
Many scenarios of social exclusion happen by mistake. Maybe someone thought you were busy that day or wouldn’t be interested in attending (4).
In unintentional ostracism, people don’t mean to exclude others, or even realize
they’re doing it. They could be succumbing to affinity bias (our tendency to be
drawn to people similar to ourselves), have a communication style that clashes
with yours, or simply have different expectations for your working relationship,
and not be aware that your expectations aren’t being met (5).
You may not know the intent of those ostracizing you, but what you do know (and what ultimately matters more) is the impact it’s having on you (5). Even when the exclusion is purposeful, the intent isn’t always clearly malicious, and may have more to do with the perpetrator’s self-esteem than with the victim (5).
Technically, socially rejecting, excluding and ostracizing others is a form of bullying called relational aggression.
Relational aggression happens more often in middle school and it’s even common
for adults in the workplace. It takes the form of: Cyber-bullying, shaming,
excluding, ostracizing, gossiping, spreading rumors, public humiliation and peer
pressure (1).
Fighting occurs between two people that have equal power, whether it’s strength,
size, or intellect (8).
In fact elementary school was the worst. I was tormented every day by this boy named Scott and I will never forget the day I got kicked out of the cool group at one point in the fifth grade. I wanted so bad to hang out with the popular girls and I had this girl, whose name I will remember forever come up to me one morning and say, "I'm so sorry, but we just don't want you to hang out with us anymore." I remember walking away feeling like such a loser. I was crushed and cried for days. Looking back I wish I could tell my 10 year old self that one day you will laugh and those silly girls will mean nothing. I don't know why I'd ever want to hang out with them in the first place. I've always wanted to go back in time myself and tell them that I'm better than them
Lindsay, that was me in elementary school too. I wish we could have believed that it wasn't as big of a deal as it seemed and that it would get better.
Kids can be so mean. Sorry you got kicked out of the cool group. I don't think I was ever IN the cool group to begin with!
Social exclusion CAN be a form of bullying (3).
In order for aggressive behavior to be deemed bullying, the aggression needs to
involve a power imbalance and to occur repeatedly (Espelage & Colbert, 2016).
(13)
Bullying is about power, and dominance. Bullying happens between someone who has more power and is more aggressive than their targeted person (8). A bully uses that power—whether it’s physical strength, being more popular, or knowing embarrassing information—to hurt or control the person they’re bullying. It involves repeated and deliberate intent to cause physical and/or emotional pain. The person who is being bullied may find it hard to defend themselves and may feel increasingly powerless against the person bullying them (8).
Common forms of bullying include (8):
Physical bullying:
Hitting or striking someone
Kicking someone
Shoving someone
Intentionally tripping someone, causing them to fall (especially if they are
carrying several items)
Spitting on someone
Verbal bullying:
Teasing
Threats of physical harm
Name-calling (including racist, homophobic, or other offensive
language)
Yelling
Harassment
Although verbal bullying does not leave bruises, scrapes, or marks, it can still have a significant impact on someone’s mental health.
Relational Bullying: Based on impacting relationships with the recipient:
Starting rumors about someone
Whispering about the target
Giving the silent treatment
Gossiping
Intentionally excluding someone from an activity
Telling other children not to be friends with someone
Relationship bullying may be especially harmful to children, as it can impair their social development, but all types of bullying can have adverse effects on mental health (8). Bullying someone by intentionally leaving them out can also transfer into the online world (4).
One study published by the Joint Research Center found that more than half of all children surveyed had experienced cyberbullying in some way. A survey published by Google indicated that teachers believe cyberbullying is their top safety concern in the classroom (8).
Cyberbullying- refers to any bullying that takes place in the digital world.
Mocking someone online
One of the most common forms of cyberbullying is spreading mean comments and rumors across social media sites.
2018 research from the Pew Research Center shows that 32% of teens have experienced spreading of false rumors online.
Posting embarrassing photos
Pictures of someone on social media platforms without their permission
They may also create a fake account using someone’s photos
This can include “revenge porn,” which refers to posting nude
Harassing someone on social media can be forms of cyberbullying.
Spying on someone
Digital threats
Impersonation
Setting up fake social media accounts
Post negative things on that person’s account, posing as the individual.
Harass others under another’s account
Cyberbullying is a significant concern. It can have a major impact on a young person’s mental health. Adolescents who are the victims of cyberbullying are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and academic difficulties. According to one study published by JAMA, young people exposed to cyberbullying are at a 50% increased risk of suicidal thoughts than their peers. Another recent study showed that children and young adults who experience cyberbullying are more than twice as likely to harm themselves and display suicidal behavior (8).
It can be difficult for parents or people in authoritative roles (teachers, coaches, bosses) to identify if someone is being bullied—or bullying someone else—because it often occurs out of their sight (8). Dealing with this kind of bullying can be very difficult for kids and their parents. Many, if not most of the victims, suffer in silence. And if they have a history of struggling to make friends and connections, it can be exacerbated (1).
The National Center for Education Statistics and the Bureau of Justice Statistics and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have published recent statistics, including (8):
One out of every five students between the ages of 12 and 18 has experienced bullying at some point
Students who reported being bullied stated it had an impact on how other students treated them
Many children are bullied by peers who are larger or stronger than they are
Some children are bullied because they have less money than their peers
Fewer than half of all students who experienced bullying in school report it to authorities
It is worth noting that bullying can impact not only the victim but also the perpetrator. Children who bully others are at a greater risk of getting into physical fights, verbal altercations, and are less likely to take responsibility for their actions. Research also shows that children who bully others are at risk of developing antisocial behaviors. These include significant academic problems, substance use disorders, and aggressive behaviors (8).
and the kids who bully and exclude always end up screwed up and miserable anyway, they are usually a sad product of social climbing parents who are desperate to be accepted and engineer play dates galore, but in the end the kids of parents like that almost always develop guilt and health problems, because in the end we all know what the right thing to do is and when kids deviate from that they know it and they pay the price eventually.
Sources:
(1) https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/help-a-kid-who-is-being-ostracized-feeling-left-out/
(2) https://www.responsiveclassroom.org/how-to-talk-with-parents-about-cliques-and-exclusion/
(3) https://afineparent.com/positive-parenting-faq/social-exclusion.html
(4) https://psychcentral.com/health/why-feeling-left-stings-and-healthy-ways-to-cope#why-it-bothers-you
(6) https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection
(7) https://gsdrc.org/topic-guides/social-exclusion/causes/exclusion-based-on-social-status-or-identity/
(8) https://www.mcleanhospital.org/essential/bullying-kids-teens
(9) https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1368214/full
(10) https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22889163/
(11) https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0190740924000148
(12) https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1184924.pdf
(13) https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6085085/
(14) (https://conversationstoremember.org/loneliness-and-isolation/#:~:text=Loneliness%2C%20on%20the%20other%20hand,of%20a%20hostile%20social%20environment.)
(15) https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022519321003581
(16) https://elifesciences.org/articles/78246
(17) https://educationdata.org/public-education-spending-statistics
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