I just remember being a teacher and feeling awful for the few kids who didn't receive one. So now that I'm able to I make sure every kid is included when I can!
My daughter's preschool class said if you choose to do Valentines, please make sure to send enough for everybody.
I don’t know what a candy gram is, but when I was in school (80s/90s) you were required to bring a valentine for every person in the class. We’d line up our little decorated boxes and go around and put a card in each, one by one. Kids who didn’t bring something for everyone didn’t get to participate. My kid’s daycare is doing something similar this year. Could you make a recommendation like that?
My first graders teacher sent home notes saying that we are welcome to send in little valentine candies if we wish, provided there is one for each child and they are all labeled “to my friend.” She covered all the bases, I think. No one left out, no playing favorites with messages.
Throughout the year, if children form cliques or engage in other acts of exclusion, you’ll have to communicate this news to parents—parents of children who have been excluding others and, depending on the situation, parents of children who have been excluded. No matter how you become aware of the situation, be prepared to address it promptly, objectively, and with sensitivity (2).
Finding out that their child has been excluded or feels isolated at school can be devastating to some parents. Emphasize it’s never the excluded child’s fault; refocus on solving the problem (2):
“Excluding other people is never OK; that’s what we teach. I’m working with the students who were mean to Ken and helping the whole class get to know him better.”
With any parent whose child excludes others, be explicit about what you have noticed (facts only), how the behavior is affecting their child, and how it’s hurting others. Explain that it’s your job as a member of the school staff to provide a learning environment in which all children feel safe so that they can be successful students (2).
Be prepared in case the conversation becomes personal or highly charged. Keep your cool, so you can respond empathetically and encourage a calm and thoughtful discussion. Remember also that parents are likely to be more accepting of news of exclusion if you’ve previously told them about their child’s positive attributes (2).
Sources:
(1) https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/help-a-kid-who-is-being-ostracized-feeling-left-out/
(2) https://www.responsiveclassroom.org/how-to-talk-with-parents-about-cliques-and-exclusion/
(3) https://afineparent.com/positive-parenting-faq/social-exclusion.html
(4) https://psychcentral.com/health/why-feeling-left-stings-and-healthy-ways-to-cope#why-it-bothers-you
(6) https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection
(7) https://gsdrc.org/topic-guides/social-exclusion/causes/exclusion-based-on-social-status-or-identity/
(8) https://www.mcleanhospital.org/essential/bullying-kids-teens
(9) https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1368214/full
(10) https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22889163/
(11) https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0190740924000148
(12) https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1184924.pdf
(13) https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6085085/
(14) (https://conversationstoremember.org/loneliness-and-isolation/#:~:text=Loneliness%2C%20on%20the%20other%20hand,of%20a%20hostile%20social%20environment.)
(15) https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022519321003581
(16) https://elifesciences.org/articles/78246
(17) https://educationdata.org/public-education-spending-statistics
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