Delusional Debut Songs {both}

 Reminder of how Taylor put it:

I Love You, It’s Ruining My Life

“This is a list of songs about getting so caught up in the idea of something that you have a hard time seeing the red flags possibly resulting in moments of denial and maybe a little bit of delusion… results may vary.”

• Lavender Haze, Snow On The Beach (More Lana Version), Sweet Nothing, Glitch, Betty. Willow, Cruel Summer, Lover, Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince, False God, Style, Wildest Dreams, Treacherous, Untouchable, That’s When, Ours, Superman, Bejeweled
  
  

and here are the ones I'd add from Self-titled:

Teardrops on my Guitar

It's a song about pining and wishing.  

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be

I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

 

What Taylor does not do is say, 'Ahh all right, this person is taken I'll move on.' No what Taylor does is linger around faking smiles and daydreaming.  She thinks about Drew all the time, losing sleep.

 

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be

 

I think at the last minute this was changed from "you" to "Drew" either way this wishing you could be like this person is a very queer sentiment.  Either Taylor wishes to be like a boy named Drew.  Or wishes to be like a girl named Drew.  Or wishes to be like a girl, YOU, the super secret sexy hidden romance muse that we are so familiar with across Taylor's work.

 

'Cause he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart

 

Got enough makes me think Taylor has shared something with this person that she hasn't shared with anyone else.  Could be a lot of different things, but whatever it is is intimate and personal enough to hurt Taylor. 

And he's all that I need to fall into

 

Indicates a lack of control.  Falling is a helpless state.  Falling in love a common phrase.  Taylor could mean both-she's fallen in love without her own rigidity keeping things in line.

 

Drew/You is unattainable to Taylor, yet she pines for them.  

 

 

Ours

...my time is theirs

Taylor is not autonomous.  She has her career/business to think about.

Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, but my choice is you

This relationship is not socially acceptable for some reason.  Small-minded (nothing else to do) people are judgmental about the paring.

Side-note:  The following line seems like, what?  Who throws rocks at things that shine?  Is she trying to say skipping stones on water?  But that's kind of a peaceful, natural hobby, not a hater's pastime...  And before I get into this just remember a song can have more than one inspiration.  There can be subtext.  There could be a public narrative and a more private meaning.  There could be an A side and a B side to it, so to speak.  So if you heard something else, two things can be true!  The word SHINE makes more sense if you look at the lyrics of her song, Hey Stephen, which I think is about her having gay-dar about a male school friend...

Hey Stephen, I know looks can be deceiving

[sometimes gay people are straight-passing]
But I know I saw a light in you

[the "light" being queerness]
...And I didn't say half the things I wanted to

[maybe she wanted to come out, maybe she wanted to question him]

Of all the girls tossing rocks at your window/I'll be the one waiting there even when it's cold

[girls are hitting on this boy, but his queer buddy will be his friend crushes, breakups, coming out, through it all]
Hey Stephen, boy, you might have me believing/I don't always have to be alone

[She is stigmatized for liking girls, but she just found a gay friend who understands what she's going through]

 

You = Another subject in the song.  Kinda like an earlier version of ...Ready for it where the verses are to a guy but the chorus is for the female love interest.  Is this YOU a female love interest of Taylor's?  

 

'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel 
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain, so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm, I can't help myself

[being fruity is not a choice]

 

Hey Stephen, I've been holding back this feeling

[she's on the DL about her sexuality]
So I've got some things to say to you (ha)

[Taylor finally found someone who has this in common with her]
I've seen it all, so I thought
But I never seen nobody shine the way you do

[shine is her way of saying he pings her gay-dar]

The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name

[she can tell he's queer by the way he walks and talks]
It's beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change

[she says there's beauty in his homosexuality-don't change/repress it]
Hey Stephen, why are people always leaving?

[They are alone and ostracized in conservative TN for being different]
I think you and I should stay the same

[Taylor tells Stephen it's other people with the problem, not them for being homos]

 

They're dimming the street lights
You're perfect for me
Why aren't you here tonight?
I'm waiting alone now

[Taylor is a lonely gay kid and thinks it would be more fun if TWO lonely gay kids hung out together]
So come on and come out

[COME OUT??!]
And pull me near
And shine, shine, shine

[Come out and shine x3, Like when you live openly you shine extra gay, ping exponentially?]

 

Hey Stephen, I could give you 50 reasons
Why I should be the one you choose
All those other girls, well, they're beautiful

[She says this dismissively because female beauty is not what Stephen, a gay boy, is looking for]
But would they write a song for you? (Ha-ha)

[Stephen should choose to hang out with Taylor because she knows, doesn't have romantic expectations, and she's funny]

 

Back to OURS and SHINE:

 

People throw rocks at things that shine

These judgmental people are throwing rocks at the gays.  Small-minded people figuratively and sometimes actually throw stones at the queers.

And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours

Love is especially hard for same-sex partners.  Stakes are high, because it can be life or death.  Water's rough because gay marriage wasn't even legal when she penned this song.  

And it's not theirs to speculate if it's wrong and
Your hands are tough, but they are where mine belong and
I'll fight their doubt and give you faith with this song for you

People are saying this relationship is immoral.  Taylor brings up faith, a very loaded word because a lot of churches and religions, in particular, denounce homosexuality...

And any snide remarks from my father about your tattoos
Will be ignored, 'cause my heart is yours

And her dad, a conservative, Boomer, Republican doesn't like this person's appearance (and who knows what else).  But Taylor discounts all of the other people's opinions because the love is just between the two people.  But also, it's in this section because the homophobia is pervasive and maybe she currently feels that she was delusional back then in trying to ignore it.

 

Mary's Song (oh my my)

This one incorporates elements from Untouchable and we see SHINE from Hey Stephen and Ours again.

She said, I was seven and you were nine

Ambiguous who is the she that is talking.  Could be younger Taylor, the neighbor girl, or the mothers that come into the story a bit later.  But why the mystery???

I looked at you like the stars that shine
In the sky, the pretty lights

There's those untouchable, unattainable stars and the light-shining bright, from within, perhaps?

And our daddies used to joke about the two of us
Growing up and falling in love and our mamas smiled
And rolled their eyes and said oh my my my

When these kids are young the daddies joke about them being in love and the mamas would knowingly roll their eyes.

Well, I was sixteen when suddenly
I wasn't that little girl you used to see
But your eyes still shined like pretty lights

Here's those lights again.  She saw the light in Stephen, and the crush is lit from within in Snow on the Beach.  

And our daddies used to joke about the two of us
They never believed we'd really fall in love
And our mamas smiled and rolled their eyes
And said oh my my my

Now that the neighbor kids are teens, the daddies change their tune and are kind of snide, while the mamas patronize their husbands, still knowingly.

Two A.M. riding in your truck and all I need is you next to me
The slamming of doors instead of kissing goodnight

Now, Taylor speaks of true intimacy and physical romance with the neighbor.

She proceeds to imagine an entire lifetime with this person:  dating, proposal, marriage where the mamas and the town were supportive (I don't know where the daddies went, I guess leavin' like a father...), having their own children, and growing old together.

A few years had gone and come around
We were sitting at our favorite spot in town
And you looked at me, got down on one knee

Take me back to the time when we walked down the aisle
Our whole town came and our mamas cried
You said I do and I did too
Take me home where we met so many years before
We'll rock our babies on that very front porch
After all this time, you and I

I'll be eighty-seven; you'll be eighty-nine

 

It's a really sweet thought experiment.

I'll still look at you like the stars that shine
In the sky, oh my my my

 

But I'd put it on Taylor's delusional list because there's those darned, untouchable stars again, signifying that this neighbor is a female, thus this whole thing was a pipe dream.  

 

 

 

A Perfectly Good Heart

Why would you wanna take our love and tear it all apart now/Why would you wanna make the very first scar/Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart

Maybe I should've seen the signs, should've read the writing on the wall/And realized by the distance in your eyes that I would be the one to fall

Taylor says she should have seen the signs, figurative red flags???

No matter what you say I still can't believe/That you would walk away

It don't make sense to me but/Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart

She indicates this person has told her it’s over, maybe even repeatedly.  But she won’t believe them.  And she’s incredulous they would walk away.  And furthermore, it doesn’t make sense to her.  She doesn’t want it to be true, so she just can’t and won’t wrap her mind around it.